Like you’ve never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you’re never gonna get back
To the you that used to be
I have been there before. Broken. Sitting on the floor. My head in my hands. Thousands of shards of shattered dream scattered around me. I honestly thought I would never recover, but somehow I always seemed to be okay after a while. I picked up every shattered piece and carried the burden of those shards everywhere I went. I was afraid to let go, so I just kept them tucked away for later. I thought if I discarded even the tiniest piece, I would be admitting failure. I carried around a lot of hurt and sadness, and my faith was slowly slipping through my fingers. The burden became too big for me. I’m sure we all have had times like these in our lives. I can tell you from experience that it is no way to live. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
I remember trying to piece my shattered dreams/life back together. I would always end up cutting my hands on the shards. Those dreams weren’t meant for me. I was forcing something that wasn’t supposed to happen yet, and I only ended up hurt and defeated. I failed to see the big picture. I didn’t understand that these dreams needed to shatter. Those dreams needed to fall apart so something better could fall into place. It’s so easy for me to see it now, but it was very hard for me to picture when I was going through it.
I would say the biggest battle for me was my infertility. I watched my dream shatter month after month, year after year, and I still kept forcing it. Then one day I decided I didn’t want to feel that way anymore. I let go of the hurt and pain infertility was causing me, and I moved on with life believing I was not meant to be a mommy. Looking back on it now, I can see that it just wasn’t the right time to become a mom. My husband and I just weren’t ready, and our finances weren’t ready either. If we had gotten our miracle at that time, it would have been a huge strain on us, and I’m so glad God spared us from that. The time wasn’t right, and God knew it. He always has my best interest in his heart, even if it rips my heart into shreds sometimes. I always believe He is sparing me from something negative. It’s the reason I have held on so tightly to my faith.
Right now, I’m looking down at my swollen belly and smiling. I got my miracle, and the timing is just perfect. Every time I feel her kick or flip, or whatever she’s doing in there, I know that I was meant for this miracle at this particular time. All those shattered dreams fell into a new mosaic that is my life now, and it’s a more beautiful picture than I could have ever dreamed up myself.
So I say this to you. The you who is struggling right now. The you who can’t see past the big picture. The you who is sitting on the floor surrounded by the shards of your shattered dreams. Your life is not over. This is not the end. There are some things in this life that have to fall apart so that better things can fall into place. God is creating a new mosaic for you, and it’s going to be beautiful. Don’t cut yourself on the shards trying to piece things back together. Instead, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep moving on. Find the happiness within yourself and use that to keep going. You’ll find that things are falling into place without you even realizing it. This life is beautiful. Don’t miss out because things didn’t turn out the way you planned. Just live, and leave the rest to God.